Thursday, September 23, 2010

on my lil' heart and mind today.

it's hard to believe that autumn
officially began this week..

especially since its been high 80s, low mid 70s every day here in south carolina. it also doesn't help seeing all my chicago friends post all their autumn pictures drinking pumpkin spice lattes, wearing their north face attire and cute autumn outfits, or their cool evening walks through the city.

i know, i know. i think i said last week i was more than happy to enjoy the warm southern weather - which it really is wonderful to not have to worry about super cold weather come winter - but i think i do miss the transition between summer and winter that we (
they...?) have in chicago.

[chicago autumn 2008]

it's funny to look at these images. i'm pretty sure i was painting these canvases wishing i could be where the leaves are changing, wishing to be home.

and now that i'm home, i'm missing the concrete jungle.

i miss the sound of sirens. the CTA that takes you anywhere and everywhere. my old job and crazy boss and assistants. the students i worked with. cupcakes. feeling like i earned my weekend. random happenings in the city. starbucks that were at every single corner for immediate access to a pumpkin spice latte or a carmel apple cidar, depending on my mood. yellow taxi cabs. shopping and fashion. my best friends that truly know me. the hustle and quick-pace of life.

now, don't get me wrong. home as been good. and i know a few of the things on the list are not life-crucial but they were a part of chicago, part of life for 8 crazy, fun years. and like ive written in the past few weeks, it's been wonderful to be in a new season with family and back home. but like any big transition of life - similar to losing a good friend - there is a stage of mourning or grief. i think i felt that today. it probably didn't help that i didn't sleep too well last night. it didn't help seeing pictures of chicago. or that i miss some of my best friends today.

but that's part of life, and you just have to keep moving and rolling with the punches.

i also feel like this transition of waiting and trusting and growing has caused me to look even more towards my Lord Jesus to a daily dependence. life hasn't been so set in stone as it used to be in my structured, city life. i am more than grateful for my relationship with Christ because he is faithful and constant. as unpredictable as life can be, i am thankful that i have Him to lean on.

so sorry that this post was very late today but thanks for listening to a much more serious piece of my heart. thanks for letting me be honest. as much as i love life, i have down days too and i don't want this blog to just be a happy-go-luck kind of blog. i want you to know how i'm just like you in that i feel, i hurt and i cry. so friend, thanks for listening.

[happy thursday, friend.]


  1. In a completely different circumstance I too am waiting/hoping, trusting, and growing. I depend on God every day. His redeeming love is so amazing. Saying a prayer for you right now. I know what its like to leave a place "where your heart is" (mine is in st augustine, fl). Draw close to Him. We can only get through these times through him. HE IS SO GOOD <3

  2. I miss Chicago every day. But when I lived there I missed Michigan every day, so it's a toss up. This will be my first full winter outside of Chicago in 4 years. You wouldn't think it would be that much warmer here, but it is. It'll be interesting.

  3. Right there with you, my friend. *sigh* isn't it so hard to have a heart divided in half? <3 ya!

  4. Everything will be okay and it's okay to feel that way.:D

    ***** Marie *****

  5. I miss Chicago for almost the exact same reasons you do.... I've only told my husband 3 times in the past couple days how much I miss that city. Transition is hard and I'm right there in the mix with you. But praise God for His presence that never leaves us! It's closer than a friend!
    Thanks for sharing your heart.

  6. Girl, you know I miss you. Too, too much. And while you know all too well how magical Chicago is in the fall.... you will be whistling a different tune come, oh, mid January :) I'll let you cry now if you'll let me cry then, haha! XOXO

  7. I miss your Chicago posts! We missed each other in the city and I feel like I need to live up to your Chicago experience while I'm here :). If you want to live vicariously through me, feel free to recommend great places to visit (restaurants, attractions, etc). Everything will be fine in the end. I love honest posts like these.


  8. This is such a familiar feeling to me...and has been for almost 2 years crazy. Hoping tomorrow is better for you!

  9. sorry friend for your missing the chicago blues. i completely understand.

  10. And Chicago misses you Ilene!!!
    It was actually in the uppder 80's for a few days this it's gloomy and rainy...and I'm freezing already :(
    So glad to get updates through your blog.
    Love ya friend!

  11. I never got over the missing. :) I still ache for it, and I do hope we'll go back next year. But it is true that it's nice have Spring come on time!

  12. Aw Ilene I'm sorry that you're missing your friends and Chicago. Are you able to talk to some of your friends on Skype? I know it's not the same as hanging out with them, but it's pretty close! If you guys always watched a certain show together, you guys could hang out on Skype and watch it together (I've done that countless times with friends!). And maybe you could become pen pals with your friends? Send them little notes to let you know that you're thinking about them, and they could do the same. Maybe send little gifts from home, and they can send you little memories from Chicago. Plus you can always go back and visit one day. :) Enjoy the time with your little sister right now! I'm sure she's missed you a ton and is so happy to have one of her big sisters living at home with her again. Share your stories of Chicago with her! And maybe one day the two of you can go to Chicago and make new memories there.

    I hope you have a wonderful weekend Ilene! Full of tasty food and family. :)


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